These are some of my continuing thoughts on how to be successful in life. I have broken these thoughts into a few sections. You will see them as I explain how I think you should get the most out of life. You will hear many schools of thought on what to do and when to do it, but it sure is hard to find a path that will lead to success. I know how I see success and each of you will have to decide what is most important to you. I make no claim as to the exact way to go. I’ll just propose to you a way that seems right for me. We all make mistakes but the observant person will learn from history and others’ errors to keep you or put you on a right path through the maze of life.

WORK AND LEARNING.

Nothing in this world comes without hard work and determination. Simplistic? Nope!! Look at where you were as a very young person and see how you have progressed even from crawling at 6 months to walking without help at one year and to your first words. Yes, you have learned by trial and error but also from those in your life who have taught you either what to do or how to behave. Relive the years when studying took a lot of effort and seemed so difficult, yet now, it seems so simple. All of life’s activities are composed of complex things but, taken apart, are made of simple steps or rules. This dismantling of complex things applies to everything in life, from learning to read by first knowing the letters of the alphabet to the intricate task of landing on Mars. Each takes one task and builds on it: be it the word or complex mission. You do it each day from driving your car to moving your arms. It is one simple step at a time!!

Studying is typically HARD work. At times, it is more difficult than physical effort. The same theory holds true for this mental work, viz, learn each page or fact. Do not go forward until and unless you KNOW the information. Memorizing is necessary but the fact is that if you learn something it will stay with you far better than if you try to just memorize facts. One cannot solve an equation or puzzle without building on the previous information and knowledge. You may ask how one can see something and intuitively know an answer? Your brain goes through ALL of the aforementioned facts to solve this “equation” even as you passively look at the “question”.

There are very few shortcuts in life if you want to be successful. We often hear of people who are “lucky” in life to be successful. If you look closely and listen to them, they will tell you that they worked hard and, yes, maybe did get some breaks by being in the right place at the right time. Lucky means hard work first.

Older people are said to be “set in their way” or stubborn. It is not really accurate. The “older” person just knows what works and what does not. He or she has learned it through either personal experience, their own learning process, or have learned it from others. In any case, they (we) have assimilated or processed all of the previous information and have made the rational determination NOT to make the same mistake twice. That seems the right way to go through life: allowing the past to lead you on the correct path to the present and to prepare you for the future. To prove my point, I’d like each of you to do a retrospective of something that taught you how to act or react in the present. My simple one is: Look both ways before you cross the street. Obviously, if not, you can be hit by a car. It happens all the time. Simple, yet lifesaving.

I often hear that “people” cannot wait to “get out of school” and begin to go to work and live life. Friends, your education is JUST beginning. Not only will you build on your primary knowledge base from ALL of your schooling, but your college education will just be a base from which your continuing education begins. The latter is another key to your success by increasing knowledge in your selected area of expertise and it will enhance your ability to interact with your peers not only on their level but supersede them as well. Remember, knowledge is ONE of the keys to all we do and it is imperative to your success. If you think I am dwelling on this too much, you are mistaken. My parents emphasized the importance of learning all through one’s life. It is all well and good that you increase your knowledge in your designated vocation but, as important as that is, you need to have a broad base of general knowledge from politics to botany. Why such diverse subjects? Because you will meet so many people who know about their vocation, and to interact with them you need to have a smattering of THEIR expertise. How to get so much information in such a limited time?? Read; look at your surroundings, LISTEN to people who know more than you do. Assimilate their knowledge like a sponge, pay attention to every detail of life. Do you ever wonder why a plane can fly even though it weighs 50 tons? Smell a flower and watch the dance of the bees: inquire about pollination and why we have bee colony collapse, learn Hebrew and Latin, draw a picture of a tree, ask why the senate votes against a bill, see a drop of dew on a leaf in the early morning and explain it to yourself or to the one you love, learn how to read a lease, find out what makes an animal extinct, invent a new product. Ask a question and then LISTEN. Look into their eyes and present yourself in a stately, positive manner.

There is a wonderful anecdote about how generations approach learning and inventiveness. In the mid-1800s the director of the US Patent Office declared the following:

“We may close this office in the very near future since we feel that everything that can be invented has already been invented.”

Can you imagine that??? TV was invented in MY lifetime.!! The airplane was flown in my parents’ lifetime. Your iPhone is more powerful than the computer that landed men on the moon. So, learning never stops and YOU are responsible to teach future generations about themselves and how to manage our society responsibly.

RELATIONSHIPS

This is probably the hardest thing about which to write. We are dealing with the idiosyncrasies and intricacies of the human mind and body. I wish I knew as much about this as I do about dentistry which is just a smattering. When I retired I had a fair knowledge, but a huge amount more to learn.

How to begin? Even Adam and Eve had a problem (so says the Old Testament); to eat or not eat the Apple! So, even in the beginning, there was an interpersonal problem as well as an ethical, god-fearing moral dilemma!! That has not changed.

When two or more people interact there can be multiple responses:

The first one is easiest: both people are from the same or similar culture: they talk, act and react nicely, hug and say bye. Simple. Now we are stuck with all of the other permutations: parents and children of all stripes, business associates, workmates, spouses, and you can name many more. Each of these presents its own set of problems and solutions, yet each has a common thread: communication both verbal and physical with all of the subtleties that are part of it. You will interact with your spouse in one way and with your peer at the office in an entirely different manner. Your body language, facial expressions, verbalization, tone of voice, and subliminal clues ALL have an effect, both positive and negative. The actual words convey the information and that seems obvious, but the way you say it with certain inflections carries an even greater weight. When your opponent reacts positively or negatively, then each side views those few (or many) words based on his or her perception of that speaker. I know that seems so elementary but, in truth, it is the key to how we all interact. If you want to be friendly, your voice and body language are gentle and your body is in repose and pretty silent. Should you be confrontational, your voice changes in pitch and volume, your adrenaline rushes to all parts of your body, your face flushes a bit, and your body stiffens. Your opponent sees it, feels it, and responds in one of two ways: he or she lowers the volume, softens his or her stance, and responds in a soft, mellow tone, OR raises all of the above and thus we see the beginning of escalating or defusing. One cannot usually fight with a person who is smiling at you. A huge secret of how to live is to try to be calm, BUT fight if needed. Read the Art of War by Sun Tsu and you will see most of this but as a parallel to warring.

Each of the above responses has its place. Newton’s third law states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. That holds true in physics as well as in the area of personal relationships, and it is true in the WHOLE animal kingdom: from lions to Bonobo chimps to whales to ants. We all act the same.

I prefer defusing. That is MY personal choice and it works to unnerve my opponent. One cannot fight with a smiling adversary. A person cannot clap with one hand, and it TAKES TWO to fight!! It takes a lot of strength to do it and also lots of practice.

To be successful, we have to join with our opponent. Learn about them and how they think. Learn about their business so that you can speak with some knowledge about how they do things so that you can interact with them. Ask a question that will make them tell you about themselves or their expertise. Listen intently even if you would rather be elsewhere. LOOK into their eyes. If that is hard for you, then look at the bridge of their nose. They cannot tell that you are not looking into their eyes. Pay attention. LISTEN!! Speak with precision and slowly. Enunciate your words do not say “like” unless it is appropriate. And yes, grammar is important. If you need help, look it up. LEARN always! When you speak to a group, look at the whole room but pick out a face and talk to that person briefly, and then go to another one. It makes it much easier and less intimidating. Use notes as needed. When you negotiate ANYTHING, treat it as a chess game and anticipate what your opponent will say or do before he does it. Try to plan it, be it in business or just your friends. Most of this is a natural way to behave but at times it is a necessity.

Another level is the emotional one. That is very complex. We are all made up of our genetics, environment, plus the patterning of our parents. We cannot change our genetics but we can change our behavior. Some behavior is autonomic, e.g., blinking if something comes near your eyes or an “ouch” if you step on a stone barefoot. Your reaction to a statement can be explosive as in an adrenaline-fueled response, or a controlled one that defuses an argument by a soft rational one. Here comes Newton’s Third Law again. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. When you do not defuse a situation, a wall between people is erected. It then takes a lot of energy to eliminate that wall and resume a normal interaction. I am sure you all know what I mean. One of your jobs in life is to keep the walls low so that you can scramble over them or eliminate them. When you have an argument or disagreement with your parent, spouse, friend or business associate make it your goal to initiate a conversation to address the issues. None of this is easy, but it is very important to your mental and physical well-being to resolve the dissonant chords that surround you. All of these personal and business stresses have a profound effect on you.

A great way to lower stress is to laugh. Even a forced laugh will make you feel better. Yes, I know it is more difficult to adjust your “depression”, but it does work. Try it at your next irritation!! To help you, go online to watch your favorite movie or show that you know has made you laugh in the past. I watch Johnny Carson or Tim Conway. When I laugh the endorphins just flow around my body and brain and my mood changes for the better. You may say that you do not want to do it. I ask you to do it and see for yourself. Do NOT let a perceived downer mood rule you!!! So, this leads me into the mind and body parts of life.

MIND AND BODY

We come into this world as an immature entity: a blank canvas that is innocent, pure, and perfectly moral. What happens after that is quite complex and absolutely amazing. Many people go through life passively. They learn basics: their bodies exist with no input; their minds percolate thoughts, and then they are put to rest with nary an impression on anyone or anything. I challenge you to live life to its greatest capacity in mind, spirit, and body!!

My whole purpose in writing is to instill into you what I have learned, know to be true, the desire to be your teacher, and, yes, to inspire you to excel at everything you do. It makes no difference if you decide to be a farmer, doctor, or accountant. Be the best you can be. NEVER give up and never accept mediocrity. Learn something new every day.

So let’s talk about the mind first. We have discussed the joy of learning “facts” and how to interact with our fellow man. The other very important part is how to control ourselves. Stop for a moment and walk outside your body(Just a figure of speech). Look back at who you are. Take stock. Keep your positives and get rid of your negatives. Decide that you can and will be the best person you can be. Take a course or read a book on meditation. Take a class in Yoga. Learn to control your basic impulses and tell yourself that you will learn about yourself throughout your life. It sure takes a long time to understand yourself, never mind other people. Look at the people in your WHOLE world and find their best values and traits. Try to incorporate those fine values into your persona. It takes a real effort to convert yourself to a new person, but it is well worth the effort. I can tell you from personal experience that it does work.

The things that I tell you are just the tip of the truly amazing passage of life for all of you.

I also need to discuss our bodies. To stay that way, you all need to understand that your body (as well as your mind) needs to be cared for by you and only you. There is no magic potion or pill to keep you healthy but there is a path through life that you can take to help you as you age. Yes, I am still on that path!!

First, we are what we eat. I am not saying that you should never have sweets. Learn about nutrition and the pyramid of foods that are good for you: veggies, fruit, moderate lean meat, lots of fish with Omega 3 oils, and good kinds of nuts like almonds. I am not going to delve into more nutrition, so that is another project for you to do. Avoid drugs at all costs. Do not believe that weed is ok because they want to make it legal. It kills too, no matter what “they” say. It changes your reproductive system and injures the immune system and yes, I am sure!! Yes, they use it for severe pain, but you are NOT ill so forget the recreational drug. Alcohol is almost the same. I know we all have a glass of wine, but I am talking about more severe use. Excessive use damages the liver and brain. DON’T use it in excess. Smoking cigarettes is a proven killer and it can kill slowly which is the worst!!! Whatever you put into your body has an effect. Drink water. THAT’S good for you. Now that I have bored you with this pontification, I need to discuss exercise and how it will keep you healthy into your dotage. (Look it up)

EXERCISE

Each day you should do something to get your heart rate elevated, and not by aggravation either. Take a walk and that is the easiest. Run a little if you can. Go to a gym to do light weights with more reps, and do the elliptical machine or other to increase the heart rate. It is important to build muscle mass for both sexes so that you can burn more calories and be a fine physical specimen. When you build muscles and exercise, the circulatory system works the best. Our bodies NEED to work hard to be and stay efficient. Use a trainer if you can just to get you on the right path. There is no easy solution to exercising. It takes perseverance and dedication for your entire life. YOU CAN do it!! That is how the mind is in control of your action. All of this is the voluntary system of the body. You have a choice to do or not. Choose yes and live fully. I implore you to listen to me regarding your mind, body, and emotions. Yea rah, rah, body!!

MONEY

This is as hard as any subject so far and it is vast!! Again, you will have to read a lot to get a general understanding of investments and how to utilize dollars. This discussion is important because at some time you will have to manage not only your own financial decisions but also your parents’ assets. It may be many years from now, but you must learn it now and also as you mature.

Where to start??

I guess I have to assume that you have a job and are earning enough money to sustain your lifestyle, whatever that may be. Do not spend more than you earn, but that does not include buying a big-ticket item like a house. Even then you should not spend more than you can handle with a mortgage. Do not depend on a bank to tell you what you can afford. They want to make the mortgage so often they dump your mortgage on someone else as has happened in the recent past. Deficit spending on a personal level is a sure way to go into bankruptcy!! Our governments do it by borrowing and when they do not have enough, they levy a new tax. They can- you cannot!! There is NO free lunch!! I do not agree with many of the policies of this government, but since I am not in power all I can do is to help you understand the way I think and act. My thoughts may not be exactly what you want to do, but listen to them and make your own informed decisions. In that same vein never invest in anything that you cannot afford to lose, be it in real estate, stock market, or other personal investments. That ties in with the concept of conservation of capital. When you are younger, and for whatever reason, you do lose capital you are able to recoup the loss via ongoing work income As you age your investment goals and strategies change to a more conservative approach. Each of us has a different tolerance to this so each approach may vary with your comfort level. Another wise statement is to “get rich slowly”. Do not take undue risks UNLESS you have done your due diligence on the product whether it is a stock or a business opportunity.

There is a good investment tool called the “Rule of 72” If you take the interest rate (or rate of return) and divide it into 72 then your money will double in that many years, e.g., if the interest rate is 8%, your money will double in 9 years. (I am not going to take out taxes). Here is an easy example. Austin invests $10,000.00 in a stock that pays 8%. What will the $10,000 be worth after 36 years? So, 36 divided by 9 (the number of years it takes to double) So the $10,000 will double 4 different times. Therefore, it will become $160,000. So, you can see that the principle of compounding is really great.

I discussed previously about learning many aspects of the financial world. All of you have to be able to do money management during your whole lifetime. It is prudent to learn it as early as you can. For those of you who cannot or will not do this then you’ll need a financial planner or person who can help you. We all have different levels of understanding of these issues so it is not the end of the world if you seek outside assistance. BUT my only admonition while you are getting that help is to do the continuing education to learn about this important part of your life.

People often ask how much cash you need for emergencies or just to keep you stress-free in maintaining your normal household maintenance. All comfort levels are unique, but a good rule of thumb is to have 6 months of cash on hand to pay your expenses. And others may choose 3 months depending on income. I prefer more liquidity.

We all, at times, need to borrow money for large purchases: car, house, education. Do not borrow more than you can afford to pay back. Begin smaller and increase your borrowing as you can afford it. I actually prefer NOT to borrow but I also understand the necessity for most people. There is also no shame in saying: “I cannot afford it.”

Live smart!! Enjoy life! Do a job that gives you pleasure and is emotionally rewarding. Marry the right partner! If you get stressed, smile and laugh, walk it off or go to the gym, kiss and love your children, have many friends, and be a role model for all around you

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST