June 29, 2012
Dear Children,
This is a letter I sent to Austin when he was 12 but it addresses much of what I think makes us successful in life.
I am writing to you because I think that I can give you some of my secrets to success in life. There is so much to learn and you are really good at putting things in order and not compartmentalizing them so I am confident that you can glean a lot from my words. You may think that what I tell you seems so simple but taken as part of a whole gives it more meaning. If you would like to discuss any portion of this I’d love to interact with you. The following points are not in any specific order and not ranked in importance.
1. Learn to think for yourself. You will find that many people will try to influence you. Your peers will tell you that what they do, albeit immoral or illegal or just plain dumb, is what you should do also. Follow your instincts and stand your ground even in the face of their disapproval. YOU are your own person.
2. Never stop learning. Being 12 and getting great grades is wonderful and I am so proud of you for doing that. Remember that the whole world of knowledge awaits your attention. It may be at the Library of Science or the Library of Congress that is holding its collective breath anticipating your appearance and giving you its amazing knowledge. You will have to work for it and that is not easy. You certainly have the capacity to learn and retain it so continue your education for your lifetime.
3. Never give up. There are times when school, work or relationships become difficult and even unbearable but it is very important that you fight through the temptation to say” I can’t do it”. You have to dig deep inside and use your mental toughness and determination to continue. It is like running a long race and each lap is more difficult than the last but you know that you can finish. Just do it. You will feel stronger each time you overcome the trials and tribulations of the stresses of life.
4. Be a good, ethical person. You will find your friends or neighbors may cheat on tests or in life. Do not do it. Your word is your bond. When you shake a hand to seal a “contract” that is as good as a piece of paper. Forget that others may be irresponsible: YOU do the right thing and you will reap the reward of trust in your family and community.
5. Learn to be a speaker and communicator. The way we communicate is with words, writing, and body language. The ability to make people listen to you and like you is to join with them on their level and LISTEN to them. By asking some simple questions it is easy to get many important answers. Most people like to talk about themselves. Your job it to initiate probing questions and then keeps quiet. Write with clarity and objectivity. Use logic and thoughts that convey how you think or feel. Know your opponent. It is like a chess game. Look ahead to see how they might react and control the conversation by anticipation of thoughts and actions. Your facial movements can alert others as to how you feel. It is a window to your thoughts.
6. Be considerate of others. People are very sensitive to how they are treated by you. You might have a bad day at school, office or even at home, but people whom you treat or just interact with do NOT know what is in your heart or head so it is incumbent on you to be kind and aware of your personal surroundings and behavior. When others behave in a inconsiderate way toward you, you have to also allow for some reason that they do it. They might have had a tough time somewhere. Do NOT jump to conclusions and try not to carry a grudge! When there is anger in your heart and mind, it gnaws at you and it is better to relive yourself of those tensions by resolving issues before they eat you up.
7. Stay active mentally and physically. Each part of that requires a determination that is often hard to do. Mentally you need to say to yourself that you have to persevere in each category. Complex situations are made up of many small simple things. You need to dissect each problem and break them down to small parts and solve each part. You do it all the time with algebra . The equation seems so hard and intricate but I have seen you solve one part at a time. Get plenty of rest and do not let negative thoughts enter your mind. Always think positive and set your goals so that you have short term ones a and longer term ones as you get older. NEVER be lazy. Learn to do everything from washing the floor to fixing a machine. Yes, even cutting grass on a hot day gives you toughness that carries on throughout life. It is mental!!! When you feel tired and want to stop, dig deep again and push through the fatigue. The physical part is determined by your mental attitude. We test this on you when I ask you to raise you arm prior to sleeping. You voluntarily do it. Same with all other things both physical and mental. They interact. You must develop your strength and balance. It is not just making muscles larger: they must work together along with balance. Eat right. You will have to try many foods and learn what foods are good for you. Sweets are not good for anyone. No, I am not talking about depriving you of desserts but a food balance is as important as physical balance.
8. Schooling: This may seem redundant but the training and knowledge in all of you schooling is very important. Some subjects that seem unimportant are actually the basis of your general knowledge. Latin? Great for language skills. Typing? You will need to know it to be able to use the keyboard quickly and efficiently since we will all be digital in the near future. You see it since you are so good at interacting with computers. Reading is a key to success. Nanny was a prolific reader and she had a wonderful mind: sharp and analytical! She would also be very proud of you accomplishments in school. You will find that your learning never ceases and it should not. After you get out of college or professional school your education is just beginning. Learn something new every day. Develop good study habits. Do not go to the next page until and unless you KNOW the information on the page you are on: Not so much memorizing but understanding .
9. Handling money. It is one way we measure success in our society. It is not the root of all evil BUT it is the cause of much dissention in our world. It should be used wisely and with care. You first need to be able to earn it and that is where your schooling and all of the other things we talked about come into play. To earn it you need to be able to communicate with others on many levels and to have special skills. Whether you become a brain surgeon or a master carpenter it is most important to be GREAT at what you do. Who ever heard about 2nd best?? I often say to you that you should be first in your class. Yes, it is a goal but being a good person is as important!! Never spend more than you can afford no matter what peer pressure comes at you. Never invest more than you can afford to lose. Never put yourself at financial risk with markets you do not understand. LEARN about all!! Remember , cash is KING. You may not understand exactly what this means but as you grow, it will become apparent.
10. The most important decisions in your life. There are a many but a few stand out for me so I want to share them with you. Picking out the right partner for you. Notice I said that one first. I purposely skipped what college you’d attend or who might be your first date! I also did not include your profession or job since many people change them or choose one different from their college degrees. I think that you have to select a person who is compatible with how YOU and SHE think. Both sexes are very different mentally and, obviously , physically. You need to read information that shows how different we are from each other and when you do date, look beyond the hormonal rages and see how that person really is inside her head. See how she reacts to unusual situations and how she behaves with her parents. I do not think that my imparting this information at this age is too hard for you to understand. I give it to you with love and respect.
11. Possessions. Yes, I know that we all like “things”. You should try to keep in mind that you can use just so much BUT if you can afford “things”, then buy what you want. If you have to borrow, N EVER stress your bank account. Live within your means. I hope that some day you will never need or want anything. I also hope that you will want to help your parents in some of their needs when you are successful.
12. Community. It is part of the Jewish heritage as well as many other religions to help by giving : tsdakah. You and your family should help those less fortunate both by allotting some of your income to charity and also give of yourself to needy causes by volunteering in your community. The feeling of charity gives one a sense of joy and completeness. I hope that this will become a part of your whole being.
13. Religion. I am not very godly or religious but I do think that the tenets and traditions of Judaism should be part of your life as well as your children’s lives. We have survived many millennia by sheer will and by being leaders in many professions as well as in philanthropy and service to our country . Be aware of what you do or do not do insofar as continuing our long traditions. I personally feel that this is an important part of who we are as a person and also our heritage.
So, my dear Austin, I have begun this method of teaching you what I think you should know and some of the SECRETS of life that are obvious in small parts but need to be laid out so that you can actually see them. I will continue to write to you when I think of other things that I feel will help you.
Your loving Poppy,
Alvin
